The Trump Card

Ever since Donald Trump has entered the presidential race, he has run roughshod over the Republican party.  He’s saying all the things the other candidates are afraid to say.  He’s ruffling peoples feathers who aren’t used to having them ruffled.  He’s standing up to the media dogs that the rest of them are afraid to counter.  He’s talking about the issues everyone else is afraid to touch.  And he’s speaking in a language most people understand.

While everyone else all want to talk about Trump this and Trump that, Trump is out there talking about the issues and putting the politicians and media in their place.  Nobody seems to want to address the substance of what he is saying.  They want to try and discredit what he says by trying to discredit the man.  They are trying to employ the old political standard, the politics of personal destruction.  What is frustrating them is it ain’t working.

Politicians generally have to go out and raise insane amounts of money to run for president.  As a result, their policies and speech are dictated by those who are providing the money.  Candidates are obliged to only talk about what the donors want talked about and the policies only the donors want pushed.  So, they all go about carefully trying to thread the line of talking just enough about the base issues to get those votes in while at the same time not being too controversial for the big money donors.  They are basically bought and packaged by big money.

Trump doesn’t have that baggage.  He’s got his own money.  He made it the old fashioned way, by going out and earning it.  He’s actually been one of those who through political donation sought to influence politicians for his own gain.  He knows exactly how that works.  He isn’t concerned about getting ruined either.  He’s been there done that a number of times only to reemerge on top again.  He’s not some miserable little clerk running from dinner to dinner begging for money.

The other thing that Trump has over all the other candidates is the real world experience.  He’s dealt with all the world leaders in cinducting international business.  He knows what makes them tick.  He knows his way around in negotiations.  He knows how to call a bluff, and to make one.  He isn’t worried about his legacy, nor is being president some ultimate achievment or goal for him.  He is not a career politician.  he has been running circles around them for decades though.

The other thing that Trump is doing is making folks take stands.  Some of the things other candidates are beginning to say are betraying their positions that they would rather keep hidden, and exposing their pettiness and willingness to take out someone just to silence them.  They can’t oppose his policies, because he is right and if they did, they would not be able to walk that back to try and regain their voting base.  Whining about his demeanor just makes them look like little snot nosed kids crying in the playground because they can’t get a turn on the swing.

The most important thing Trump seems to be doing is telling it like it is in the same way that many folks talk about it in their living rooms and on their bar stools.  He’s saying things to these elitist politicians and media that many of us ourselves would wish to say.  He’s talking about the issues that we talk about in our break rooms and by the water coolers.  And it is making the establishment a little unnerved and has upset the political applecart.


I Am Blessed To Be Alive

I feel blessed to be home alive.  This was my comment after going through a couple of very strange and scary occurrences that could have ended very badly.  

Things started out well enough.  I got some work on a Sunday (double time!) and the day went rather smoothly.  I got done with my work and went home.  I sat in the car for a minute then decided I would go do some shopping, so I drove over  to the WalMart.  

Another good things for me, I thought, was that WalMart was having its season changing clearance sales.  I spent a good deal of time looking over bargains, and then got into the clothing area and picked out some new clothes.  I was quite enjoying myself.

After picking out a number of items, I decided I would also get a few groceries.  I wandered around through the grocery section, looking at products, carefully reading the labels so I could avoid as much GMOs and chemicals as I could.  You have to watch closely what you buy at WalMart.

I got what I needed and headed up to the checkout.  I got stuck behind the coupon Queen and shared this on my Facebook via phone, as I had been my whole time at WalMart.  I was taking pictures of what clothes I bought, commenting on products I was trying, etc…  I finally got checked out and was quite pleased that all my purchases came in well under $200.  That is when things started getting REALLY WEIRD.

As I am walking away, a short Hispanic man in a red hoodie comes up and quickly flashes something at me, shoves it back in his pocket and claims he is a police officer and wants to see my ID.  I refused and he quickly flashed the shiny metal object again and placed in his pocket again.  I then asked him to see his identification.  He flipped open some card that I could not read without glasses so as I leaned in for another look, he snatched it away.  You can’t touch it, he said.  He then thought he would threaten me by saying we could call over uniformed officers.  I said, Please do.  At no time did this person ever try to give any sort of reason.  I thought I was getting set up to get robbed or something, or that he would get crazy and pull out a gun to shoot me.

As he walked away to call police, I turned to a WalMart employee and asked for them to send their security and call 911 as someone was trying to detain me claiming to be an officer.  Then I decided I would let people know what was going on and posted what was happening on my Facebook.  For the next 15 or so minutes, me, the fake officer, WalMart security manager and a cashier all just stood their awkwardly silent, no one really knowing what was going on.

Finally an officer shows up.  Mr. Fake walks off with said officer and they go have a private chit chat.  So more standing and waiting.  Then the WalMart security manager confirms that the faker is an NIU college police officer.  Oh, great.  A rent-a-cop wannabe.  Seems to me that WalMart is not on the college campus and thus he is out of his jurisdiction.  Best thing though is no arguing and just wait for the easily identifiable uniformed police officers to sort it out.

Another at least 5 minutes go by and 3 uniformed police officers approach me.  Then they stat asking me what I was doing, etc…  Then come to find out that the Barney Fife thought for some unknown reason that I was stalking his woman in the store.  What in the world?  Either she is freaky paranoid, or he is some sort of over-jealous control freak who thinks everyone is after his woman.  Whatever the case is, I find myself having to answer question to police while being detained at a WalMart for being singled out by psycho people.

The officers run my name and find me all clean and clear and tell me I can go.  By this time I am freaked out and looking for this loon to approach me in the parking lot and exact his own revenge, so I high tail it out of there.  

Needless to say I am a bit rattled so I decided I would treat myself to a nice tall can of Coca Cola.  I pull into the 7-11, get my pop and go back outside where I am approached by an extremely drunk individual begging me for a ride home.  While I hemming and hawing, already been totally freaked out anyway, the guy just gets into my car and throws some dollars at me.  Well, ok, I guess I am giving this guy a ride home.  Hope he doesn’t kill me.

As we were driving the relatively short trip, the guy is telling me about Afghanistan and getting shot in the head.  He wants me to knock on his noggin to feel the metal plate.  Uh, I believe ya dude.  Then he tells me he has $700 on a link card and that we should go to WalMart (yeah, back there again?  with a crazy drunk guy?  No way) and he would spend all of his food stamps on me because some rich friend in Vegas had given him $5000.  Of course he spent it all because he has a gambling problem.  Oy Vey.

Anyway, I drop him off at Mcdonalds because he lived near there.  Then he decided to help me clean my car by throwing all my collected fast food bags out in the middle of the McDonalds parking lot.  I guess at this point I was just glad he wasn’t going to kill me and that he was exiting the car.  I do kind of feel for the guy though.  I think the war messed a lot of folks up who went there.

Now I am sitting in my nice quiet home sharing my unusual evening with you all.  tomorrow I will be going to visit with the highest ranking officer of the NIU police I can get in touch with and file a complaint against their officer.  Before then though I think maybe that drunken soldier needs a little prayer.  It seems that he appreciated someone just gently listening to his bologna rather than telling him to STFU.  lol.  What a crazy evening.

Check Yourself

Of late I have been getting a conviction in my heart.  I have seen of late, and in fact over a number of years, a movement on the internet through memes. blogs, and articles, that seem to go after the church.  Now if this was from the unbelievers, I could be expected.  This isn’t from unbelievers though.  Many of the attacks on the church and upon other believers come from people who claim to be believers themselves.

I must admit, in the past I have had my issues with the church and perhaps even participated in this type of activity.  I think mostly the problem wasn’t with the church, but with myself.  I was hurt by some people in the church and carried that around with me.  It made me look negatively and skeptically at the organized church.  The problem was really with me, not being forgiving, not accepting people as they were, holding them to a higher standard.  Father forgive me.

What I am seeing now is that these postings and articles are actually working against the mission of the church.  They cause division in the body.  They cause believers to become isolated, forsaking the gathering of ourselves together.  This leads to weaker Christians and all sorts of doctrines seeping into the minds of individuals.  This leads to failing Christians who have no support group to help them, and no check and balance to keep their beliefs on the narrow path.


Mark 3:25 And if a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand.  The one thing we know from scripture is that our enemy is keenly aware of what the word says.  He knows this principle.  If what we are doing by word or deed is working against the unity of the church, whose work are we really doing?  We are being anti-Christ.  Yes, I understand that is a very strong statement.  I know that this is not the direct intention of those who do these things.  In the minds of the critics, they are trying to do God a favor and correct what they perceive as a wrong in the body.  Should we be airing these things publicly though for all to see and mock?  

The question that hits me personally is this, instead of standing without, complaining, why are we not getting involved in our ministries? Why are we not working to correct these perceived wrongs, and focusing on doing the work of God?  It is easy to stand on the outside throwing stones, but another thing all together to roll up those sleeves and dig in to work.  Yes, this may mean you end up having some debate in the church about doctrine if you feel the church is going down the wrong path.  Better to have it there than publicly shaming our brethren.

John 13:35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

We may think we are being loving by criticizing, but is that the case?  1 Corinthians 13:4-7: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Are we protecting our brothers by criticizing?  Are we preserving the body with our complaints?  Are we dishonoring others with our arguments?  Are we being kind when we attack the church or other believers?  Are we being patient in working within the body to help keep the church on the right path?  We really have to check ourselves and our motives.  We really have to take a look at our tactics.  

Time is short folks.  We are going to need each other.  The days of religious freedom are waning.  We need to learn to start practicing love.  There is already enough hate and criticism in the world.  We are told not to be as the world.  Love the Lord your God, and Love your neighbor as yourself.  Practice forgiveness.  This is the way of the Lord.

I Resolve…

Happy New Year!

Each and every year we take the changing of our calendar year as a line of demarcation.  We look over our lives a little bit and we resolve to do better next year.  We are going to quit smoking, lose weight, exercise, clean ourselves up in some form or fashion.  We make new years resolutions in general as our goals of what we desire to achieve for ourselves.

It is interesting that usually our resolutions are some sort of positive goal based on the assessment of ourselves that something is lacking, or needs improvement.  I’ve never heard anyone (other than me, but that is a tale for another day. lol) say on a new years resolution that they are going to go out and become a drunk or a drug addict in the coming year.  I never hear someone resolve to wreck their relationships and end up alone.  We inherently know inside of us what it is that is right and wrong.  Our own conscience often bears witness to guide us toward what is right (in most cases).  Romans 2:

14 For when the Gentiles, which have not the law, do by nature the things contained in the law, these, having not the law, are a law unto themselves:

15 Which shew the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and their thoughts the mean while accusing or else excusing one another;)

I have read a number of surveys that show that there is a high failure rate to peoples new Years resolutions.  I won’t bother to look them up or cite any numbers because this is known to be true, not just from surveys, but from our own lives.  By the time we get to the end of the very first month, many of our resolutions we have already given up on because we failed at some point.  We just kind of give in a resort to that default mode we were already living in.  

Some things we do succeed in, and that is great when we do.  It’s kind of like baseball batting averages though.  If you fail 7 out of 10 times, you are a great player.  Fail 8 out of 10 and you suck.  Failure is generally the norm.  We should be used to that, but quite often those failures throw us for a loop.  We get depressed and give up on other resolutions and just generally stop trying.  We then muddle along until next new years and resolve again to do those same things we failed to do last new years.  I guess it gives us something to look forward to on New Years.  lol

What we are doing on those resolutions is that we are making vows or promises.  We make promises to ourselves, to our significant others, friends, family, to God.  That is what makes failing those resolution so hard.  We are breaking promises and letting others, and ourselves down.  We may feel undeserving of positive feedback after this.

For the Christian, I am wondering if we should be making those kinds of vows before God and men.  The Bible says, James 5:12 And before all things, my brethren, do not swear, neither by the heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath, and let your Yes be Yes, and the No, No; that under judgment ye may not fall.  Or, in the words of the Nike slogan a few years back, just do it (or not).  It puts the Christian in a bad spot when they are unable to keep their promises.  It is a bad witness for the Lord.  Also, a promise or vow may bind us to something we shouldn’t ought to be bound to.

In Mathew 5, Jesus says, 33 `Again, ye heard that it was said to the ancients: Thou shalt not swear falsely, but thou shalt pay to the Lord thine oaths;
34 but I — I say to you, not to swear at all; neither by the heaven, because it is the throne of God,
35 nor by the earth, because it is His footstool, nor by Jerusalem, because it is a city of a great king,
36 nor by thy head mayest thou swear, because thou art not able one hair to make white or black;
37 but let your word be, Yes, Yes, No, No, and that which is more than these is of the evil.

Wow!  Those are strong words from our Savior!  He says that resolutions are evil.  That really flies in the face of tradition.  Essentially, what we are saying when we make new years resolutions is, ok, I got this God.  I can handle this.  This is why so many of us fail on our resolutions.  We can’t handle things on our own.  We are to be (2 Cor 10:5)  Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.  

Did you catch that last part?  Bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.  That is what we are supposed to be doing is being obedient to the Word, to do what God says do.  If we were doing that in the first place, we would not need to be making resolutions.  We would just simply say Yes, to the things of God, and No, to those things ungodly.  We capture those thoughts and bring them unto obedience when we study to know what we are to be obedient to.

We need to be studying the word of God to know what it is that God expects of us.  Don’t resolve to do so, just do it.  Let that yes be yes.  And if we fail at some point, don’t give up.  Get back in the race and finish it.  I will conclude with this. 1 Corinthians 9:24 Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain.  Let us be able to say like Paul, 2 Timothy 4:7 I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:

If Only

I look into your eyes
I see the way you’re feelin
The pain your going through
Has got your mind reelin

Every day it is the same
Stuck in the game
Never knowin up from down
Never smiles only frowns

If only I could reach inside you
And pull you away from all your going through
If only I could be beside you
And show you much more than he could ever do.

There’s a tear upon your cheek
A quiver in your voice
Lost and all alone
you can’t make the choice

Night after night
You know it ain’t right
For some reason you go on
Hoping this nightmare will be gone

If only I could reach inside you
And pull you away from all you’re goin through
If only I could be beside you
And show you much more than he could ever do

I’ve been you’re friend
I’ll be there til the end
I want to take you away
Make the nightmare go away

If only I could reach inside you
And pull you away from all you’re going through
If only I could be beside you
And show you much more than he could ever do

You Can’t Go Back

Today was a very surreal kind of day for me.  I went back to the town I grew up in.  Lots of things have changed.  Places I knew were gone.  Old buildings were mowed down to make room for fancy new stuff, or empty natural spaces were all filled in with housing and strip malls.  Even the remaining old icons that remained looked different because everything around them looked different.  Even the house I grew up in had been remodeled and relandscaped into almost unrecognizable form.

When  I grew up there, it was a small town way out in the boonies.  Now it had become a very wealthy town with fancy shops and restaurants, mansions everywhere, and even some I would classify as castles were scattered about.  Famous people now frequent the area.  The only famous folks who used to frequent the town were usually gangsters.  The area is well known as the get away area for Al Capone.

Somehow though, I felt as though I had dropped into this little utopian bubble amidst the world of chaos.  Everything there was perfect.  Families were out enjoying the day together playing in the parks and visiting the neighbors in their perfectly manicured subdivisions.  Folks in the park riding bikes and rollerblading down trails, of course donned with their proper protective sports gear.  Even the old forest preserve that once was just a woods with a few dusty trails now sported paved bike and hiking trails with the “natural” plants perfectly placed in their various habitats.  They even had bought one of the neighboring mansions that looks like a ritzy golf club that is now their “nature center”.

The part that really pushed the surreal scale was when I stopped by the old one room school house and people were there all dressed up like the 1880s and doing 1880s things as onlookers watched and took pictures.  There are several places like that around there, like a farm is some sort of museum of how things used to be.   The people all  seemed in awe of the simplicity of the old days, then got back in their BMWs and headed back to their mansions while the world burns.

It was weird too because it was like they could only view things, but not really experience it.  You have to stay on the trails, you can’t walk through the field.  You can look at people pretending to live in the old days, yet no one there has any idea of the true difficulties of living that way, or has a clue about the moral standards by which most people of that era lived.  It’s like they just get nostalgia off having a little 5X8 plot on the community garden area, but there isn’t any real sense that people actually had to survive by farming.

At the old school house, they had all the look and outward trapping of what the school looked like back then, but I did not see the main study materials of the era present.  (psst…..  that would be the bible by the way).   Folks all dressed up in the clothes and played some old games, but there seemed to be nothing about the chores and their reliance upon our creator to help them through.  It was all just an empty shell with nothing inside.  It was stuff to entertain, but not really educate.  It gave people a sense of nostalgia, but didn’t teach them about our heritage and culture.

I wonder if those folks have any idea, ANY idea about the other 99%.  We have been so blessed and don’t even realize it or understand why we got this way.  It was never about what we did.  It was about who we were as a people, and that is lost now.  I have watched all through my life as these blessings have been squandered away and replaced with an empty promise, a shell of nothing.  When that shell breaks and the people find out there was nothing inside, it’s over.  We’re done.  I don’t think we can be salvaged at this point anyway.

Even at this point if we turn away from the bubble of the world as I described, we still have massive consequences we have to deal with, and I don’t think people are prepared for that.  Even if we do repent and turn from our wicked ways and plead to God to save us, I think He will be like He was to Israel in Jeremiah’s day and say, accept it and deal with it.  Don’t fight it.  Sins have to be dealt with.  You can’t go back.

Sometimes Evil Wins

One thing I have a hard time with is seeing injustice prevail. Instilled in me is a very strong sense of right and wrong. I want to see what is right get done, and to see evil vanquished. Unfortunately, life does not always work that way. There are times when it seems the wicked prevail and prosper, while the righteous are smashed under foot.

It is hard to see it once, but it gets even more difficult when you see it again, and again, and again; day after day, month after month, year after year. When what is wrong is institutionalized it becomes a real problem. When you stand up to point out the wrongdoing, you yourself become the target and are made to feel like the wrongdoer. Those who are in place to make sure what is right is done, are now threatened by you because you have exposed their own wrongdoing in not stopping the wrong.

When you stand up for what is right, others will not stand with you; even if they agree with you and see what you see because they fear. They don’t want to put their own livelihood in jeopardy for someone else, so they let evil stand also. They are content just to quietly complain about it, but when it comes time to actually take action, they go scurrying into the dark corners like scared mice.

This is even more difficult when you are the victim. The treatment you receive from superiors and coworkers can make you feel victimized again. Rather than finding support in exposing the wrongdoer(s), they find themselves alone and treated like they are doing wrong. It is painfully difficult to go through. You don’t know who to trust and it feels like everyone is against you. You are just hoping that someone somewhere who can actually do something will hear your cry.

Most people end up giving up the battle, feeling that it is too big for them to fight, and are forced to leave their situation. I suppose it is easier to do so. When you see a victimizer continually getting away with the wrong they do, and those who are supposed to put a stop to it are unwilling to do so, what do you do? When you have gone through the protocol and been treated like the bad guy yourself for standing up for your rights, what do you do?

You cannot continue in a situation that makes you feel threatened, intimidated, or where you have to constantly be on the lookout for bad things to come your way. It becomes either fight or flight. At some point, the battle is no longer worth it for some people. I can understand that. It should not be that way and it makes me very angry that it is.

I find it harder and harder myself to continue to be involve in a workplace that seems unwilling to deal with behaviors that in other work environments would result in immediate termination. How can I honestly try and be a positive and productive worker in an environment where harassment and bullying are protected, and pointing it out leads to being bullied, harassed, and threatened by those in charge who are supposed to maintain a safe and healthy work environment?

If it were just one incident, I think it could be passed off as an error, or something, but when it has been a pervasive environment over years and years, you have an institutional problem going up the chain of command. You have people in charge who care more about themselves and how they look than they are about the employees they are in charge over. They would rather sweep problems under the rug so they can look good then to actually fix problems.

What to do about it is a hard problem.

Date Night Blues?

Well, It’s another Friday night coming up.  That and Saturday night might be the two loneliest nights for the single who does not have a partner.  These are those traditional date nights that most people go out and do things with their wives and girlfriends.  It’s a time to spend together enjoying one anothers company.

For the single, This can be a going out night too.  For many singles, this is the night to go out to the bars and clubs, festivals and whatever else might be going on where one might find single women.  Time to troll around hoping for a bite on your line that could make this night end on a high note.

For myself, not so much.  I don’t drink, nor do I do large crowds very well so these two night are spent usually at home.  Not that I mope around the house feeling sorry for myself.  Actually, quite the contrary.  I have several hobbies that can keep me busy or chores I can do around the house.

I think that for a single person, it is far more healthy to have hobbies and activities that one does and enjoys.  To me it serves no purpose and also makes one less attractive to always be moping about what you COULD be doing.  It also to me seems to serve little purpose to go out picking up women for one night stands and then slinking off before the sun comes up.  The sex might be great for an hour, or two if your lucky, but you really have not solved the real problem, your loneliness (plus the reputation you garnish won’t help either).

I’ve heard someone once say that they keep themselves busy to hide the loneliness they feel.  To me keeping busy just to keep busy is only a band aid.  It covers and hides the wound, yes, but the wound is still there.  Activities that one does should be a salve that helps to heal the wound.  Partaking in activities that truly interest you and spark your creativity and imagination serve not only to heal the lonely, but they also have the benefit of helping you to grow as an individual so that when you do meet someone, there is some things that are truly interesting and fascinating about you.

What happens often to a single that is lonely is that they find someone, anyone, and put the expectations on that person to fill that empty void that they have been feeling.  They then become clingy and needy.  To me, the responsibility for your own happiness, well being, and self worth, should not be put on another person to fulfill.  Those things should be found within ones self and then you bring that to a relationship.  Relying on the other person to fulfill that in your life will only drive them away and you will continue to be lonely.

When you have interests and hobbies that satisfy you, you actually become more attractive to others.  You are not just a boring person, but you are someone interesting.  You have things to talk about, ideas to share.  Because you are not feeling down about your singleness, you come across as confident and strong.  These too are attractive traits.  People want to be around people who are fun.  People enjoy others who are interesting.  People are drawn to people who are happy and confident.

So, instead of moping around feeling alone, and sorry about your singleness, go out and find something to do that really interests you.  Write a poem, pick up a guitar, take some dance lessons, study algorithms if that’s what floats your boat.  Do something you enjoy and you will forget all about what you are not doing, and in the process, you may just attract someone to you that you can share in those activities with, and suddenly, you are no longer alone.

I Want To Rock?

A famous philosopher of our era once posed a question in prose that is the burning question for many of us in our lives. It was an introductory question to one of the anthems of a generation of now 40 somethings and still burns in the minds of many. It was their opening Salvo in the Video, “I Want To Rock” By Twisted Sister and the question posed was, “What do you want to do with your life?”

The answer they gave, I want to rock, was fine for 15 and 16 year old kids whose responsibilities in life were few and the consequences far lighter, but as an adult, it might be kind of important to have a firmer grasp on what one wants to do with their life than just to “rock”. We really should have a more complex understanding of ourselves and what we want out of life. Now, I’m not claiming any moral high ground in saying this. It is a question with which I still struggle. I never expected my life to be as it is, and I still have hopes and dreams of what it could be.

Somehow in our life’s journey, we get led astray and get sidetracked from our hopes and dreams. Lifes events and responsibilities overwhelm us and we can find ourselves just barely treading water to get by. Sometimes we think we are heading toward where we want to go and find that there was a surprise dead end, or that we got ourselves turned around and heading in the wrong direction.

Some of us never really seemed to have any direction and have just sort of wandered aimlessly through life looking for that something that would provide an answer to our opening question. Maybe they were never sure of what it was they wanted to do with their lives and spent it seeking here and seeking there. They never seem to be able to follow through with anything or commit to something because they just are not quite sure what they want.

Others of us have given up on the big dreams that they wanted to accomplish. The feel like they have gotten too far down the road to ever go back and grasp that dream and make it reality. Many folks just kind of settle for something less. They see that time is slipping by and opportunities may be waning so they grab a hold to something that at least reminds them of the dream they once had and hang on for fear of maybe never getting another crack at it.

I think a lot of us have been through various versions of all of these at different stages in life. We’ve made it through many struggles and heartaches, dealt with the reality of our dreams such as they are, and have come to realize that what they wanted was maybe not what they thought before.

Most of what we thought we wanted to do with our lives when we were younger were only a part of what we really wanted in life. We may have wanted to be a rock star and be rich and famous, but what we really wanted was to be recognized and loved. We may have wanted fireman or a policeman, but all we really wanted was to be acknowledged and accepted.

Hopefully as we have grown older and matured in life, we recognize that it isn’t so much about what we have or what we do, but that life is about how we treat one another. It is about love, caring, helping, holding, all intangibles that cannot be bought with money or stored in a vault. We want to be accepted for who we are, and have our talents be recognized, and know that we are loved and cared for. At the end of the day, what else is there?

If we have the largest mansion but don’t have love, it is nothing. If we have the greatest of musical talent but don’t have love, it is meaningless. If we can write the greatest of novels but don’t have love, what is the point? The answer to the question posed is not, I want to rock, but is that I want to love and be loved. Anything else we do or achieve is just icing on the cake.

Love Theory

This blog I think I am going to be discussing something that I either a) know very little about, b) know about but not in the mainstream way, or c) all of the above. I’d like to think I know a little something on the subject, while at the same time I know very little about. I think those two statements agree, or maybe not. If I haven’t confused you yet like I myself am already confused, I suppose I should get on with the topic, and that would be love.

Personally, I think most people are messed up in this area, including myself. You can find as many definitions of love as you can people to express them. Many people think they know what love is, but can’t recognize it when it slaps them in the face and confuse things that are not love as love mainly because they have not had any good examples of love. They mainly perpetuate what they were shown as children, and replicate it ad infinitum and can never figure out why the love they so desperately want is never found, or always seems to be fleeting and elusive.

And there is this funny thing about love… we all want it, but we are scared to death of it when it actually rears its head. We run from it, push it away, scare it away, feeling like it isn’t deserved or that they are unworthy of it. Yet, in our heart of hearts it is the one thing that we really wish to embrace and spend our lives with the back and forth of wanting and needing it while simultaneously denying it and destroying it. It is a paradox that I have yet to unravel.

There is something about love though, that can cut us to the core. Love reveals our innermost being, exposing our weaknesses, laying bare all those things we try to hide inside of us. We become vulnerable to having those things used against us to harm us. After a while we can develop so many scars that love is almost impossible to penetrate any longer into the heart. The pain of love lost or love scorned can be the most painful and feeds into our worst nightmares of rejection and worthlessness.

Maybe here is where I part ways with the general population. I see two parts in love that are both separate. There is the natural chemistry that can happen between two people when something clicks and the happy chemicals get flowing. Maybe they have similar interests, sense of humor, goals, and what not and in that they feel something as they learn this about one another. And literally they do feel something. It is a physical thing. Scientists can explain all about endorphins in the brain and such reacting in the pleasure centers of the brain that help create this bond in the mind of the two, etc etc.. These can wear down. This is why relationships often go from the high passionate beginning to settle into something less so. That is when we need something more.

Another aspect of love, is choice. It is how we choose to act towards others. And this aspect of love will transcend a mutual relationship. Often where relationships fail is that after the chemicals wear off there is two people there who are really only interested in themselves. It was only about themselves all along but as long as the satisfaction was there, it didn’t matter. This choice aspect of love is not about the chemistry, but about work and effort. It is about choosing to be a certain way. This kind lasts. You see it in patience, kindness, concern for others over self, doing what is right, being honest, no fear. This kind of love is not concerned with satisfying self; it bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things.

The best thing about the second kind of love is that it can be given to anyone at any time. It is the cement of friendships, the glue of families, the bonds of matrimony, the connection with the human race. It is not phony or partial. It treats all the same. There is nothing in this world that can stand against this kind of love. This perfect love casts away all fears and doubts. It is eternal.

To me, this is the kind of love one should be seeking. Passion can be great for a short time, but it needs this kind of true love to keep rekindling those flames and keep the fire from burning out and leaving nothing but cold ashes. It takes this kind of love to keep relationships alive and growing rather than becoming stagnant.

Maybe at this point you think maybe I am a little nuts and have no clue what I am talking about. Maybe so, maybe not. I’m no Dear Abby, lol. I do truly believe from the bottom of my heart that for a relationship to last, you have to have the real love, not just the passion alone. I guess from experience too, you do need a little of the passion that I lack, but that can grow on a solid foundation.

Anyway, enough of my pontifications on the confusing world of relationships. let me know, Did I hit the mark here? Or is this just the theoretical musings of some old and lonely bachelor?